Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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