i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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