Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
