the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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