i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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