2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
