My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
