My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
