I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
