that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
