She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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