Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
