hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
