Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
