he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize