I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
