i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
