This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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