I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
