When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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