i don't like sucking hair
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
