I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
