There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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