Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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