I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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