But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
