Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize