For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
