I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
