who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
