If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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