there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
