Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize