update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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