You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
