Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
