Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
