..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
smell my finger.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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