worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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