Well douche your snatch and let's go!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
