My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize