Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
