I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
