It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
