Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize