I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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