Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
