i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
