The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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