This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
