I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
