I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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