So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
