Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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