i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
