Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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