Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
