How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
