There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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