The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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