too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
