um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize